AMITY’S STRAIGHT TALK TO WOMEN
PART 4 – KINKS AND FETISHES?
WHAT ARE KINKS AND FETISHES ALL ABOUT?
This section will discuss “kinks” and “fetishes” and will give you examples of each. Please check out the links so you can have a picture of the items explored in this part as they are discussed.
We’ve talked about sexual and non-sexual play and I’ve mentioned a variety of peccadilloes that some submissive men have. I’ve alluded to the “styles” of female domination and talked about things that interest you or your partner. In addition, I’ve written about play styles that don’t match a particular couple.
Kinks and fetishes are terms that describe all of these interests and styles. In one sense, they can be understood as those things that “turn you on” and in other cases, “turn you off.” As you explore, you’ll find that the menu of what’s available in the female domination lifestyle is varied and unending. I hope you’ll find that many submissive men share FCFs (Fairly Common Fantasies) and that their kinks and fetishes are normal and healthy expressions of their interests and desires.
Women who come to understand their dominant personalities learn that they aren’t alone in their feelings and a discussion of kinks and fetishes may help you understand both why you feel like you do and what directions are available for you to explore.
Remember, very often, kinks and fetishes overlap.
WHAT IS A KINK?
A kink is a style or interest a person has very often in the area of sex, sexuality and play. A kink is not usually an object, toy or device. It is more like a sphere of curiosity that she or he wishes to explore or fantasizes about.
WHAT ARE SOME COMMON KINKS?
Kinks come in many varieties, and some are sure to surprise you. As I continue in my own journey, I confront kinks that I never knew existed or could even imagine someone would desire. Kinks range from simple to highly complex and cover every step between the two poles.
Don’t let any of these categories frighten you. They simply illustrate the wide variety of interest and styles that exist. This list does not mean that your partner is explicitly placed in any one particular category. It does not mean that anyone enjoying a degree of these pursuits is “sick” or “abnormal.” Further, people rarely fit into any one particular category; rather, they can share multiple aspects of several. Any style or combination of style, done within the guidelines of safe, sane, consensual and adult, can provide both partners with pleasure bordering on ecstasy.
This is not an exhaustive list; rather, it includes merely some of the more well-known and shared kinks among the Dommes and submissive male partnerships I’ve met along the way.
Service submissives are people who want to “serve” a dominant. Service submissives’ delight is in the performance of deeds that make their partners happy, although some see their service as part of a larger D/s (Dominance/submission) relationship which includes sexual play as well.
Sissy Maids are men who enjoy dressing up as women, very often in maids’ costumes, and perform a heightened level of service, such as serving drinks at a party. These men are not necessarily transvestites and don’t always see their goal as cross-dressing outside a particular time and place.
Governess Fantasies are held mostly by men who love the role of being a young boy in the care of a stern or authoritarian governess. The games involved in this fantasy include being treated like a child and sometimes include caning (a form of spanking) with certain implements.
Forced feminization means that men want to be “forced” to dress up as women. Sometimes they see this as a case of degradation or humiliation. At other times it’s interpreted as having to submit to a strong woman’s will that they dress up in lingerie or clothing that is often seen in society as embarrassing to a man.
This fantasy involves people who enjoy and desire pain. Those who enjoy painful experiences have learned how to take the pain inside themselves and use the “rush” they feel to achieve heightened sensation.
All five senses! Some enjoy tactile stimulation, like floggers and fingernails; others find sensory deprivation stimulating. They also enjoy nipple clamps, gags, collars, vibrators and plugs.
A “slave” is a person who has chosen to cede personal freedom to a dominant partner. “Slavery” is one of the well-known kinks that give sensual, sexual and psychological excitement to some.
Spanking covers a variety of taste and desire. There’s ritual spanking in which the spanker is dressed a particular way and there’s spanking that is used as punishment and humiliation. Spanking, in one form or another, is probably the most common bedroom game.
WHAT IS A FETISH?
A fetish usually involves a particular item or trigger that causes some sort of psychological, sensual or sexual response in a person. Unlike a kink, which is a style, a fetish is very often an object or “thing” and can sometimes include a person dressed in a particular article of clothing or style of attire, such as a teacher or governess.
Fetishes cover such a wide range of topics that it would be impossible to list them exhaustively. Instead, I am going to include a partial list of fetish objects that I have come across in my journey. Many of these fetish objects have been described to me by my own submissives, as well as by Dommes and submissives who write to me or with whom I’ve had conversations at a variety of forums or gatherings.
PADDLES & CANES
Two popular toys are paddles and canes. A paddle just needs to be flat. They can be made out of wood or leather or plastic. Being caned is a popular fantasy.
WHIPS & FLOGGERS
Much like paddles and canes, the texture and composition of a whip or flogger matters dearly to the recipient. Whips are generally made of leather whereas floggers can be leather, suede, rubber, plastic and more.
Being restrained during play is a turn-on and the type of restraint used is important. Leather and metal are common. There are lots to choose from!
People can be aroused by seeing or feeling a particular toy touch or simply be near their bodies and many fantasize and are aroused by their fantasies of these objects.
Read and learn about safety before embarking on CBT play. Even if you have a CBT fetish, this particular fetish can cause permanent damage when used outside the guidelines of safe, sane, consensual and adult. But it’s a LOT of fun!
Anal play requires cleanliness first. Any toy that is worn internally belongs ONLY to THAT person. Always use gloves. The word “dildo” is vaginal playand a “plug” is anal play. USE LUBRICANT!
A FEW MORE FETISHES
There are many other fetishes that are not bondage gear or sex toys. These include:
Some people have fetish objects that are clothing. Many men, in particular, seem to have certain leather clothing as their fetish object. This may include “Hollywood Domme” clothing such as leather bustiers, garter belts, stockings, catsuits and similar. There is a large group of men who consider business woman’s clothing to be their fetish while others know that “teacher garb” turns them on.
A large group of male submissives react to certain humiliating or derogatory name-calling that I am beginning to consider it a fetish. These men have the ability to experience sensual or sexual delight from either a barrage of or carefully placed phrases that demean them. Words that are included in this category include slut, whore, bitch, pussyboy and similar.
Perhaps the “Leather Boot Fetish” is the most common male clothing fetish I’ve come across and there is a significant market for those attracted to sneakers (where sometimes the brand matters). Merely allowing certain men to smell or lick your leather shoes can cause them to climax. And the highest heels you can walk in are particularly fun!
A lot of males yearn for “training,” which is a collection of play enforced by a Domme in which men perform in order to “learn how to be a submissive.” Many Dominant Women enjoy training males in the Dominant’s own style so that they can please her by doing things her way. Very often, training involves some sort of punishment for acts either not performed correctly or at all. Part of the training play very often involves both performance and punishment activities.