Amity's Stories
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WHAT NEXT?
Where do you go from here?
You now know that you and your partner have the desire to explore a female
dominant relationship and you've talked about it together so you have
a good understanding. You seem happy and comfortable in your role and
enjoy the emerging dominant feelings inside you. You've played a few
games, maybe both inside and outside your bedroom. You have enticed
each other with hints, small games and you have lured him into a place
where he wants more from you and you believe you are ready to give
him what he wants and receive a deeper commitment of submission from
him.
Now you are both ready to play on a slightly deeper level. Slowly.
What Do You Do Next?
For me, this part is the most fun.
I plan. Sometimes I write it down, so I know all the toys or clothing I'll need to make a particular fantasy of mine happen. I've been accused of using a spreadsheet to plan, and sometimes that's true. After all, my toy collection is getting larger every day and keeping track of them can be a chore so I turned the collection into a spreadsheet so I can find what I want easily.
There's something about driving that helps me fantasize. As I drive, I listen to classical music and imagine what I'd like to see my submissive do, or how I want him to feel. Often *one* simple image can create a 2-hour scene for me. I find what makes me feel good and then I try to make it happen.
Here are the steps I take:
- Seduction
Once I know what I want to do, I seduce my submissive. Sometimes I put little notes in his underwear so when he dresses after showering in the morning, he knows I'm in the mood. Often, I drop hints in e-mail. For example, I'll tell him to bring me a red candle when he arrives. Or I'll instruct him to meet me for lunch and I'll add to the e-mail, "I'll recognize you from the single red rose you are carrying for me."
- Strategy
If there are children at home, I suggest you do your best to get them into bed (or at sleepovers) when you want to play. Even though you can play when they're asleep, it's freeing for both of you to have them visiting their friends that night because it allows you to be louder than usual and make use of your entire home, instead of just the bedroom.
After a nice dinner, skip the television and entice him to where you want to play. If you have pre-lighted candles, he'll get the idea quickly. If you're wearing whatever makes you "feel like a Domme," it will assist you in getting him started.
If playing at home isn't workable, then plan a short weekend trip or overnight, even to a local hotel. (Get one with a whirlpool in the room!)
- Mood
I set the mood well before he arrives and continue it throughout the scene. From my phone calls, e-mail or written notes, he knows that something is up, but I rarely tell him exactly what it is. If I'm in the mood to be aggressively dominant, my tone in those notes and calls is extremely assertive and I might add a few well-selected key phrases so he has no doubt as to the intensity I'm going to inflict on him during our play.
Sometimes, I'll remind him to "have his cute little ass in my bedroom" at 8:00 sharp. Other times, I'll leave him a note to "be on your knees, naked and ready" at 7:00 on the dot. The tone of those notes sets the mood and keeps his interest piqued. (Note: don't do this in e-mail where he works. It's not right and it's dangerous for both of you.)
- Plan Plan Plan
There is no such thing as too much planning for me. I've been called anal, obsessive and a bit fanatical about having everything that I want where I want it. Testing batteries or buying fresh ones, making sure the digital camera is handy, putting matches next to the candles, having the evening's selection of toys laid out and handy are all hallmarks of my style. Of course, that doesn't mean I will use each of the toys as is doesn't mean I won't want one I just didn't think about beforehand. There's always room for improvisation based on what's happening between us at the moment.
- Play!
Need I say more?
Do what makes you feel good within the bounds of safe, sane, consensual and adult. Go slow, try to feel what your partner is feeling and enjoy what you are doing. This is the place that women have to learn to allow their feelings and let them shine through!
- Aftercare
When you seduce a man and both help and force him to taste his own submission, recognize that you are touching his mind and his soul as well as his body. Just like you don't like a man who rolls over after sex and starts snoring when you'd rather be held or talk, it's almost cruel to dismiss your partner immediately after play. The reason you're reading this is because, I hope, there is someone you love or care deeply about and want to take to another level of intimacy. Don't fall into the trap of trying to clean everything up immediately after you're done. Hold him, pet him, reassure him (especially if he touched something emotional inside himself) and let him know that your play is play -- with a beginning, duration and end. When it's over, take care of him and let him take care of you, too.
Don't be surprised if you're both hungry and thirsty when you're done. Use that time to talk about what you just did together and use your empathy to figure out what he enjoyed or hated the most, what he'd love to or refuses to do again, what you felt good or badly about, what skills you demonstrated or need to learn and most of all, how the scene made you both feel.
Some of my best and most intense conversations with my submissive happen during those fabulous moments. Cherish them.